Dear Bridget and Bianca,
Oh dear sisters of the sorority variety! I'm missing you here on the other side of the country! I'm so glad I'm able to keep up with your email correspondence, but I've been lacking some of my own.
I've been neglecting telling this story for awhile, but I think it's time that the truth comes out. While the two of you were with your respective Valentine's on Single Awareness Day, my story, was much different.
As I am a single girl in the city of cities (NYC... duh) I planned a Valentine's to remember... with my other single girls. We started the day, innocent enough, with a delicious brunch. Well. At said brunch, I got a little tipsy. Okay. I got drunk. Fine. I was flat out wasted and dancing (the ONLY one dancing) before noon. Needless to say I was kindly asked to vacate the premises.
I wish the story ended there.
Sadly, that's just the beginning.
I later woke up in my overpriced Manhattan apartment at 9:00 pm and still don't remember exactly how I got there. When I arose, I felt sick and rushed the the bathroom. That's when it happened. A chip (that I don't remember eating) lodged in the back of my throat and I was sure I was about to choke to death.
Fearing my impending death, I walked to the police station in my neighborhood (I know, holy unbelievable, this is partially why it has taken me so long to tell you both). I was thrust into the back of a police car and taken to the emergency room of the hospital (yes, the hospital, stop laughing b*tches). There, the kind doctors gave me apple sauce and apple juice to dissolve the (could have been) fatal chip.
Thankfully, the next morning I awakened. I could still feel the chip, but had a very clean airway.
I'm writing to tell my story and so you know I'm alive. In case some other chip (or other foreign object) should ever lodge it's way into my throat, someone will at least know of this story.
I hope this email finds you both safe and sound (and chip free) in SLC!
Loving apples and the Big Apple,
SLCinNYC
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Our Texts From Last Night
Normally we only post our sensationalistic emails, but last night's text conversation was too good to keep to ourselves. We think we're funny, hopefully you do too!
Bridget: Are you going to come run at the gym in the morn with me?
Bianca: No. Don't judge me. I love you.
Bridget: Judging.
Bianca: It's hard to sleep on hydroxycrack. It's a good thing you've got the sleeping goods.
Bridget: Uppers and downers. This will not end well. Ask Shirley Temple.
Bianca: And Michael Jackson.
Bridget: Hey. That was tragic and is not going to happen to me. I was referring to a mental break or a stint in a cush hospital for exhaustrion and you go Michael Jackson on me? Really, crack pusher?
Bianca: HAHAHAHA! I apologize. What about Mariah Carey? She had a weak sauce breakdown.
Bridget: Thank you. Much more my speed. I was thinking more Lady Gaga cancelling tour dates and being exhausted... or Dave Chapelle, Bob Barker... or even Lil Bow Wow (is it just Bow Wow, now?). All way better comparisons, LiLo.
Bianca: Dips on LiLo. If a little breakdown equals that much weight loss, I'm in.
Bridget: I know, right? I'd for sure go semi-crazy to be that skinny. Well, probably not because it could always backfire, Britney Style. We've really seen a lot of celebs go to extremems. Do you think people know how supafecked our generation is? Even we have done a few crazy things to shed a few pounds. Bianca, we attended a milatary style boot camp last spring.
Bianca: I was just thinking that same thing. We'll look back on ourselves and hope our daughters aren't that crazy. But by then, there will be way more drastic measures they can resort to for weight loss.
Bridget: Think how messed up previous generations thought the nexts gens were. Morality is on the downhill, while entertainment is at an all time high.
Bianca: I'll take our iPresent over shoulder pads and coke binges any day.
Bridget: A to the men, though did I hear shoulder pads are back in right now? Anyway. Kiss Samantha goodnight and give Dina a high five. Xo.
Bianca: Say hi to Nick Cannon for me. I bet you sleep in a butterfly teddy with a full face of make up. Also, you used to be hot but now you are bizarre and overweight. Nighty night!
Bridget: God damn it. How do you get anorexic lesbian and I get fat has been?
Bianca: Dibs! Haha. Go to bed. I can't stop laughing.
Note: Bridget did not end up going to the gym the next morning because she was too sore and tired from the gym the day before (and Mariah Carey definitely would have stayed in bed, too).
Bridget: Are you going to come run at the gym in the morn with me?
Bianca: No. Don't judge me. I love you.
Bridget: Judging.
Bianca: It's hard to sleep on hydroxycrack. It's a good thing you've got the sleeping goods.
Bridget: Uppers and downers. This will not end well. Ask Shirley Temple.
Bianca: And Michael Jackson.
Bridget: Hey. That was tragic and is not going to happen to me. I was referring to a mental break or a stint in a cush hospital for exhaustrion and you go Michael Jackson on me? Really, crack pusher?
Bianca: HAHAHAHA! I apologize. What about Mariah Carey? She had a weak sauce breakdown.
Bridget: Thank you. Much more my speed. I was thinking more Lady Gaga cancelling tour dates and being exhausted... or Dave Chapelle, Bob Barker... or even Lil Bow Wow (is it just Bow Wow, now?). All way better comparisons, LiLo.
Bianca: Dips on LiLo. If a little breakdown equals that much weight loss, I'm in.
Bridget: I know, right? I'd for sure go semi-crazy to be that skinny. Well, probably not because it could always backfire, Britney Style. We've really seen a lot of celebs go to extremems. Do you think people know how supafecked our generation is? Even we have done a few crazy things to shed a few pounds. Bianca, we attended a milatary style boot camp last spring.
Bianca: I was just thinking that same thing. We'll look back on ourselves and hope our daughters aren't that crazy. But by then, there will be way more drastic measures they can resort to for weight loss.
Bridget: Think how messed up previous generations thought the nexts gens were. Morality is on the downhill, while entertainment is at an all time high.
Bianca: I'll take our iPresent over shoulder pads and coke binges any day.
Bridget: A to the men, though did I hear shoulder pads are back in right now? Anyway. Kiss Samantha goodnight and give Dina a high five. Xo.
Bianca: Say hi to Nick Cannon for me. I bet you sleep in a butterfly teddy with a full face of make up. Also, you used to be hot but now you are bizarre and overweight. Nighty night!
Bridget: God damn it. How do you get anorexic lesbian and I get fat has been?
Bianca: Dibs! Haha. Go to bed. I can't stop laughing.
Note: Bridget did not end up going to the gym the next morning because she was too sore and tired from the gym the day before (and Mariah Carey definitely would have stayed in bed, too).
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Moynahan Aniston Variey Scare Me
Bianca My Dear,
Happy week after Valentine’s Day! How was your and Preston’s night? Did you do anything super romantic around the SLC? New guy and I had an excellent night. We hit up Ruth’s Diner (super low key and romantic), drank way too much wine and exchanged gifts. I’ve never been so spoiled by someone other than my Dad (which is a really good sign, no?). He treats me like the Prius Owning Princess that I am and I loves it.
New Guy brought up a commitment again this weekend, and I again, wiggled my way out of it. It’s not that I’m scared to commit to him. It’s that I’m scared sh*tless to commit to him. I definitely care about him, don’t want to date other dudes and can only see things moving in a good direction (at a sloths pace, of course), but my relationship history is one of the most rocky this side of the Rockies; therefore, I’m keeping our relationship in a state of noncommittal bliss as long as possible. I just worry that my not wanting to be his girlfriend is going to hurt his feelings and our chances in the future. {sigh}
Poor Bridget Moynaham. Your email got me thinking a lot about my not-so-lucky partner in name. Yikes. She’s definitely on the downhill (even though she’s still a thousand times hotter than 99% of the population) and not getting younger or luckier. And dude, don't even get me started on Aniston. She's the most perfect person ever (from where I'm standing). What's wrong with her? Why is she so unlucky? She must have sold her soul to the devil to get the Rachel Role. And we all know that soul selling is bad karma. What if that happens to one of us later in life? You think you’re totally set with some awesome dude, find yourself pregnant and unmarried (but it’s totally okay because it’s the hip thing to do these days, thanks Johnny Depp and Goldie Hawn) and then WHAM! Your man is gone with someone hotter than you. {Sigh}. At least when Hacking cheated on me, I was hotter than the “other woman,” still under 25 and awesome (duh), thus, came out on top of the situation, but… it still sucked.
Being cheated on, deceived and in some ways totally taken advantage of totally did a number on my mental state and self esteem. I think I rebounded fairly quickly, but the first two weeks I was an absolute mess. Luckily, I wasn’t pregnant, never really felt that I was passionately in love with Hacking and have probably the best support system in the world. …But I was still an absolute disaster. (Again, lucky for me Bummer Bridget meant chain smoking plus Jack Daniels minus food and equaled the hottest I looked in a long time.)
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that as much as it sucked, I’m still super young and therefore it was not that traumatic. But what if it happens a decade or two from now? Are you supposed to always plan on the ‘what if’s’ of being alone no matter what, or, do you trust completely and plan only for your significant other to be in your life?
I’m so incredibly happy you and Preston have each other and you’re completely confident and comfortable in your relationship and the love you have for each other, but do you have a back up? Do you know what you would do if things went totally south? Or do you not even think about it?
Sorry for the plethora of questions… I guess I’m just curious when (if ever) I’ll be ready for a relationship. Obviously, marriage is not a prospect for me at the time. I definitely agree that The Asian could be the first down the aisle. I must say, I’m very proud of our group of friends for ignoring the marriage pressure in the Salt Lake City area. I’d say that over 80% of the people from my high school are married and most already have children. Blech!
In other news: Remind me never to be trapped in a closed space (read: car, elevator, football stadium, city) with QDW and her ex. My gawd. I was trapped in the back seat of the ex’s car with him driving and QDW navigating. Not only are they hella annoying (she has a different tone with him, a much higher pitched frequency of "babe") but she was giving directions (and seemed to have a problem knowing right from left). Their disagreements, tiffs and general conversations had nothing to do with me, but I felt like I needed to pop an entire bottle of Xanax to be in their company. I may have left claw marks on his leather seats. Love him. Love her. But never again will I volunteer to be in their combined presence. Here’s another question: How can two totally awesome people be so incredibly awful together?
Your Relationship Challenged and Quizzical Comrade,
Bridget
Happy week after Valentine’s Day! How was your and Preston’s night? Did you do anything super romantic around the SLC? New guy and I had an excellent night. We hit up Ruth’s Diner (super low key and romantic), drank way too much wine and exchanged gifts. I’ve never been so spoiled by someone other than my Dad (which is a really good sign, no?). He treats me like the Prius Owning Princess that I am and I loves it.
New Guy brought up a commitment again this weekend, and I again, wiggled my way out of it. It’s not that I’m scared to commit to him. It’s that I’m scared sh*tless to commit to him. I definitely care about him, don’t want to date other dudes and can only see things moving in a good direction (at a sloths pace, of course), but my relationship history is one of the most rocky this side of the Rockies; therefore, I’m keeping our relationship in a state of noncommittal bliss as long as possible. I just worry that my not wanting to be his girlfriend is going to hurt his feelings and our chances in the future. {sigh}
Poor Bridget Moynaham. Your email got me thinking a lot about my not-so-lucky partner in name. Yikes. She’s definitely on the downhill (even though she’s still a thousand times hotter than 99% of the population) and not getting younger or luckier. And dude, don't even get me started on Aniston. She's the most perfect person ever (from where I'm standing). What's wrong with her? Why is she so unlucky? She must have sold her soul to the devil to get the Rachel Role. And we all know that soul selling is bad karma. What if that happens to one of us later in life? You think you’re totally set with some awesome dude, find yourself pregnant and unmarried (but it’s totally okay because it’s the hip thing to do these days, thanks Johnny Depp and Goldie Hawn) and then WHAM! Your man is gone with someone hotter than you. {Sigh}. At least when Hacking cheated on me, I was hotter than the “other woman,” still under 25 and awesome (duh), thus, came out on top of the situation, but… it still sucked.
Being cheated on, deceived and in some ways totally taken advantage of totally did a number on my mental state and self esteem. I think I rebounded fairly quickly, but the first two weeks I was an absolute mess. Luckily, I wasn’t pregnant, never really felt that I was passionately in love with Hacking and have probably the best support system in the world. …But I was still an absolute disaster. (Again, lucky for me Bummer Bridget meant chain smoking plus Jack Daniels minus food and equaled the hottest I looked in a long time.)
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that as much as it sucked, I’m still super young and therefore it was not that traumatic. But what if it happens a decade or two from now? Are you supposed to always plan on the ‘what if’s’ of being alone no matter what, or, do you trust completely and plan only for your significant other to be in your life?
I’m so incredibly happy you and Preston have each other and you’re completely confident and comfortable in your relationship and the love you have for each other, but do you have a back up? Do you know what you would do if things went totally south? Or do you not even think about it?
Sorry for the plethora of questions… I guess I’m just curious when (if ever) I’ll be ready for a relationship. Obviously, marriage is not a prospect for me at the time. I definitely agree that The Asian could be the first down the aisle. I must say, I’m very proud of our group of friends for ignoring the marriage pressure in the Salt Lake City area. I’d say that over 80% of the people from my high school are married and most already have children. Blech!
In other news: Remind me never to be trapped in a closed space (read: car, elevator, football stadium, city) with QDW and her ex. My gawd. I was trapped in the back seat of the ex’s car with him driving and QDW navigating. Not only are they hella annoying (she has a different tone with him, a much higher pitched frequency of "babe") but she was giving directions (and seemed to have a problem knowing right from left). Their disagreements, tiffs and general conversations had nothing to do with me, but I felt like I needed to pop an entire bottle of Xanax to be in their company. I may have left claw marks on his leather seats. Love him. Love her. But never again will I volunteer to be in their combined presence. Here’s another question: How can two totally awesome people be so incredibly awful together?
Your Relationship Challenged and Quizzical Comrade,
Bridget
Thursday, February 11, 2010
OhTen
Bridget,
You share your name with Bridget Moynahan. I feel bad for her because she always plays parts where she gets the shaft. In Sex and the City, Big cheats on her with Carrie.... In Serendipity, John Cusak leaves her at the altar for that lovable British stranger... In that one show, Tom Brady cheats on her after knocking her up then leaves her for a supermodel. She's like Ansiton, but unluckier. I hope she finds love.
Lucky for me, I've found love. It was really hard for me to write that just now given how cheesy it was, but I have a point.... Lucky for me, I've found love. And in the same way people are comfortable in their sexuality, I'm comfortable in my relationship. In the same way sexually comfortable effeminate men don't need to drive big trucks to prove their manly-ness, I don't need to get married to prove my in-love-edness. Preston and I are happy. We've been together for 4.4 years with no major problems. Like they say in the South, if it ain't broke, don't be goin' on fixin' it now, ya hear?! What I'm trying to say is, We'll get married last. If I've learned anything from my parents who have been married and divorced to each other twice and might even try for a third time, well I don't know. What do you learn from that?
As far as our friends are concerned, The Asian will definitely be the first gal down the aisle. This may be surprising considering she is the most single of all of us and has an affinity for NBA players and the BBD (BBD will not be on the TYMU list, I refuse to go there. Lets just say the first two letters might stand for Big and Black). But she's the fall hard super fast girl. If she meets someone this week, she'll be married by the summer. But she's our most hilarious and drama free friend and I wouldn't mind a June wedding (I look bangin' in pastels). I think she'll be the only friend to be married in 010. And for the record, yes, I say OhTen.
As far as our Marathon Relay goes, what the F did you get me in to?! I can't run 18 miles uphill. I ran LESS than two miles on the treadmill on Monday and I'm still sore. That's all I have to say about that.
Did you hear that John Mayer is a racist? He compared his wang to a white supremacist's. Why, John, why. Every time I think I like a celebrity they have to go ruin it with sh*t like this.
PS: Urban Dictionary Word of the Day: Redneck Teleprompter: Crib notes written on a public speaker's hand in order to remind him or her what to say during a speech or interview.
Love and Toyota Recalls,
Bianca......................!
You share your name with Bridget Moynahan. I feel bad for her because she always plays parts where she gets the shaft. In Sex and the City, Big cheats on her with Carrie.... In Serendipity, John Cusak leaves her at the altar for that lovable British stranger... In that one show, Tom Brady cheats on her after knocking her up then leaves her for a supermodel. She's like Ansiton, but unluckier. I hope she finds love.Lucky for me, I've found love. It was really hard for me to write that just now given how cheesy it was, but I have a point.... Lucky for me, I've found love. And in the same way people are comfortable in their sexuality, I'm comfortable in my relationship. In the same way sexually comfortable effeminate men don't need to drive big trucks to prove their manly-ness, I don't need to get married to prove my in-love-edness. Preston and I are happy. We've been together for 4.4 years with no major problems. Like they say in the South, if it ain't broke, don't be goin' on fixin' it now, ya hear?! What I'm trying to say is, We'll get married last. If I've learned anything from my parents who have been married and divorced to each other twice and might even try for a third time, well I don't know. What do you learn from that?
As far as our friends are concerned, The Asian will definitely be the first gal down the aisle. This may be surprising considering she is the most single of all of us and has an affinity for NBA players and the BBD (BBD will not be on the TYMU list, I refuse to go there. Lets just say the first two letters might stand for Big and Black). But she's the fall hard super fast girl. If she meets someone this week, she'll be married by the summer. But she's our most hilarious and drama free friend and I wouldn't mind a June wedding (I look bangin' in pastels). I think she'll be the only friend to be married in 010. And for the record, yes, I say OhTen.
As far as our Marathon Relay goes, what the F did you get me in to?! I can't run 18 miles uphill. I ran LESS than two miles on the treadmill on Monday and I'm still sore. That's all I have to say about that.
Did you hear that John Mayer is a racist? He compared his wang to a white supremacist's. Why, John, why. Every time I think I like a celebrity they have to go ruin it with sh*t like this.
PS: Urban Dictionary Word of the Day: Redneck Teleprompter: Crib notes written on a public speaker's hand in order to remind him or her what to say during a speech or interview.
Love and Toyota Recalls,
Bianca......................!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
After the Mermaid...
P.P.S. Here's what happened "after the mermaid." Yes, Bianca my dear, that's you, face down, in the peach dress. You successfully took out your two best friends ten feet from the hotel room. In exchange for an ugly bruise on my knee, I snapped a picture. You're welcome. I'm really surprised you didn't mess up the nose that Dr. Amir worked so hard to create.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Twenty Middle
Bestie Bianca,
I'm always surprised every time we survive a trip to Vegas. I don't mean that I'm surprised that we make it out relatively unscathed, but literally, I'm surprised we are alive at the end of each debauchery packed weekend.
Most of the time I make it out of there with just a lighter pocketbook and a hangover, but this time, I left with a colorful bruise on my knee (thank you, Drunk Bianca), a speeding ticket and a hilarious new tattoo (the 4th graders are loving it, btw). Alas, Vegas left it's mark on me, but hey, we definitely left our mark on Vegas.
I still can't believe we missed our flight by just under 24 hours. I'm also a little shocked that we haven't caught anymore grief from our ruthless friends and family. We made a huge bonehead move and if it were anyone but us, I'd still be pointing and laughing. Ok, I'm pointing and laughing at us anyway.
Two things I'd like to point out about our Vegas trip:
1- In your last email you said this (and I quote), "I don't remember anything after the mermaid." Seriously, that may be the best Vegas quote ever, right behind, "Where's Doug?"
2- YOU DID NOT GET ROOFIED. Bianca. Every time you have a few too many pretty little cocktails (or shots of passion fruit (wtf?) vodka from mini bottles in bathroom stalls) you're immediately convinced you were roofied. Roofied, you were not, mi amiga. You did that to yourself, but I love you just the same, probably more. I am glad you can remember the mermaid though, because that was hilarious.
Ah, reality. I'm working a full week this week for the first time in about a month, but thank jeebus I get Monday off (schedule is one of the *only* perks in education).
My ambiguous pseudo relationship is going exceedingly well. I'm pressing to keeps things noncommittal, but he's pushing back pretty hard. It's cool though, I'm scrappy and I like a fight. Dubiously monogamous is the new black, betches.
You're right about us turning Twenty Middle this year (scary?), and after that it's a quick Slip-N-Slide (see: excited for effing summer already) to thirty and all the DramaWhores are going to be in a race to the ring. I think you're right though, one of the DWs must get engaged this year, but who will it be? QDW? DWCapicorn? My bet is on one of our sorority sisters still living in the SLC area (any guess which one I'm thinking of?). Not going to lie, I'm pushing for a Preston/Bianca engagement, just to prove you wrong.
Hey, ya know that Ragnar Race Thingy? That crazy run people do from Logan to Park City? 187.9 miles spread across twelve team members? Remember how we just signed up for it? Yeah. What were we thinking? How's your training going? So far I can run two miles without crying (one glistening tear doesn't count, right?) and have a super cute outfit picked out for race day (translation: supascrewed).
What are you and Presty-Poo doing for Valentine's Day? (Besides getting engaged? Hee hee.)
Worried About the TwentyTen Prius,
Bridget
P.S. Are you really one of those a-holes that says 010 instead of twentyten or just plain old 10?
I'm always surprised every time we survive a trip to Vegas. I don't mean that I'm surprised that we make it out relatively unscathed, but literally, I'm surprised we are alive at the end of each debauchery packed weekend.
Most of the time I make it out of there with just a lighter pocketbook and a hangover, but this time, I left with a colorful bruise on my knee (thank you, Drunk Bianca), a speeding ticket and a hilarious new tattoo (the 4th graders are loving it, btw). Alas, Vegas left it's mark on me, but hey, we definitely left our mark on Vegas.
I still can't believe we missed our flight by just under 24 hours. I'm also a little shocked that we haven't caught anymore grief from our ruthless friends and family. We made a huge bonehead move and if it were anyone but us, I'd still be pointing and laughing. Ok, I'm pointing and laughing at us anyway.
Two things I'd like to point out about our Vegas trip:
1- In your last email you said this (and I quote), "I don't remember anything after the mermaid." Seriously, that may be the best Vegas quote ever, right behind, "Where's Doug?"
2- YOU DID NOT GET ROOFIED. Bianca. Every time you have a few too many pretty little cocktails (or shots of passion fruit (wtf?) vodka from mini bottles in bathroom stalls) you're immediately convinced you were roofied. Roofied, you were not, mi amiga. You did that to yourself, but I love you just the same, probably more. I am glad you can remember the mermaid though, because that was hilarious.
Ah, reality. I'm working a full week this week for the first time in about a month, but thank jeebus I get Monday off (schedule is one of the *only* perks in education).
My ambiguous pseudo relationship is going exceedingly well. I'm pressing to keeps things noncommittal, but he's pushing back pretty hard. It's cool though, I'm scrappy and I like a fight. Dubiously monogamous is the new black, betches.
You're right about us turning Twenty Middle this year (scary?), and after that it's a quick Slip-N-Slide (see: excited for effing summer already) to thirty and all the DramaWhores are going to be in a race to the ring. I think you're right though, one of the DWs must get engaged this year, but who will it be? QDW? DWCapicorn? My bet is on one of our sorority sisters still living in the SLC area (any guess which one I'm thinking of?). Not going to lie, I'm pushing for a Preston/Bianca engagement, just to prove you wrong.
Hey, ya know that Ragnar Race Thingy? That crazy run people do from Logan to Park City? 187.9 miles spread across twelve team members? Remember how we just signed up for it? Yeah. What were we thinking? How's your training going? So far I can run two miles without crying (one glistening tear doesn't count, right?) and have a super cute outfit picked out for race day (translation: supascrewed).
What are you and Presty-Poo doing for Valentine's Day? (Besides getting engaged? Hee hee.)
Worried About the TwentyTen Prius,
Bridget
P.S. Are you really one of those a-holes that says 010 instead of twentyten or just plain old 10?
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Salt Lake to Vegas, please! ...What do you mean that was yesterday?
Things You Must Understand (TYMU):
QDW= Our BFF, The Queen of All Drama Whores who joined us in Vegas last weekend.
BFF: Broad (who loves) Full Frontal
Bridget,
Welcome back from a long debaucherous weekend in Sin Citttay! I'm sorry this e-mail is a day late, but I am still hung-over(**). I still can't believe the weekend we had. I've tried telling the story but people just think I'm lying (#).
Highlights of the trip according to ME:
Missing the flight by an entire day.
Why it rocked: QDW, you, and I, waking up at 5:00a.m. dressed to the nines for a glamorous day of shopping and drinking but instead choking down a hard dose of reality that we missed our flight. I love when the sky cab lady said, "How many girls does it take to get to the airport on the right day?... Obviously more than three... your flight was yesterday. Go inside, I can't help you." Then quickly scrambling for plan B considering the rest of the weekend was paid for...
Renting a one-way rental car for an impromptu roadtrip.
Why it rocked: Trying to explain to Budget Rent-a-car why we needed a one-way Hyundai. I'm pretty sure that she still doesn't understand. I especially enjoyed our road-convos that consisted of shmashmortions, why the men QDW have slept with don't count, hallucinogenic drugs and why we should never do them, and how we would have no friends if we had our own reality show. Which is a topic I will discuss in greater detail some other time when I can actually function (see (**)).
You getting pulled over.
Why it rocked: Our cop had a walrus mustache, smelled like moth balls, laughed at our jokes, and more importantly responded "absolutely" when I asked him if we could take a picture with him. After all of those laughs we shared, he still gave you a ticket for going 90. I'm pretty sure he fell asleep with the vision of a foursome that night. (Gross... I crossed the line. I'm sorry.)
Getting upgraded to a suite.
Why it rocked: Duh.
Getting roofied again (see (#)).
Why it rocked: It totally didn't. I don't remember anything after the mermaid, I couldn't function on Sunday, and now there are pictures that will live in infamy forever.
You and QDW getting tattoos.
Why it rocked: Those tattoos are hilarious! Totally un-meaningful. QDW got a tattoo in a place you can't see, and is still freaking out. Not that I'm one to talk.... I have only my ears pierced and have made love to only one penis, I’m the least hard core, but that’s how Preston likes it.
Having a priceless (yet super expensive) weekend in Vegas.
Why it rocked: From what I can remember.... we had a MF blast and were for the most part treated like celebrities! Free champagne? Yes, please! VIP Section? You know it! Waiting in line and paying a cover? Wouldn’t think of it! Who knew three Salt Lake City girls would be such a big deal in Vegas?
Back to reality.
How is the ambiguous pseudo relationship? What is the *wink wink* timeline? (I hope you know that wink wink implies sex.)
On a completely irrelevant side note: We turn Twenty Middle this year. One of the DWs has to at least get engaged in 010 if not married. This is the age that women start to freak out about being single, especially our friends (who have been freaking out about needing a plus one since their first communion). I need your thoughts on this.
Peace, Love and Liberals,
B to the i to the a-n-c-a.
QDW= Our BFF, The Queen of All Drama Whores who joined us in Vegas last weekend.
BFF: Broad (who loves) Full Frontal
Bridget,
Welcome back from a long debaucherous weekend in Sin Citttay! I'm sorry this e-mail is a day late, but I am still hung-over(**). I still can't believe the weekend we had. I've tried telling the story but people just think I'm lying (#).
Highlights of the trip according to ME:
Missing the flight by an entire day.
Why it rocked: QDW, you, and I, waking up at 5:00a.m. dressed to the nines for a glamorous day of shopping and drinking but instead choking down a hard dose of reality that we missed our flight. I love when the sky cab lady said, "How many girls does it take to get to the airport on the right day?... Obviously more than three... your flight was yesterday. Go inside, I can't help you." Then quickly scrambling for plan B considering the rest of the weekend was paid for...
Renting a one-way rental car for an impromptu roadtrip.
Why it rocked: Trying to explain to Budget Rent-a-car why we needed a one-way Hyundai. I'm pretty sure that she still doesn't understand. I especially enjoyed our road-convos that consisted of shmashmortions, why the men QDW have slept with don't count, hallucinogenic drugs and why we should never do them, and how we would have no friends if we had our own reality show. Which is a topic I will discuss in greater detail some other time when I can actually function (see (**)).
You getting pulled over.
Why it rocked: Our cop had a walrus mustache, smelled like moth balls, laughed at our jokes, and more importantly responded "absolutely" when I asked him if we could take a picture with him. After all of those laughs we shared, he still gave you a ticket for going 90. I'm pretty sure he fell asleep with the vision of a foursome that night. (Gross... I crossed the line. I'm sorry.)
Getting upgraded to a suite.
Why it rocked: Duh.
Getting roofied again (see (#)).
Why it rocked: It totally didn't. I don't remember anything after the mermaid, I couldn't function on Sunday, and now there are pictures that will live in infamy forever.
You and QDW getting tattoos.
Why it rocked: Those tattoos are hilarious! Totally un-meaningful. QDW got a tattoo in a place you can't see, and is still freaking out. Not that I'm one to talk.... I have only my ears pierced and have made love to only one penis, I’m the least hard core, but that’s how Preston likes it.
Having a priceless (yet super expensive) weekend in Vegas.
Why it rocked: From what I can remember.... we had a MF blast and were for the most part treated like celebrities! Free champagne? Yes, please! VIP Section? You know it! Waiting in line and paying a cover? Wouldn’t think of it! Who knew three Salt Lake City girls would be such a big deal in Vegas?
Back to reality.
How is the ambiguous pseudo relationship? What is the *wink wink* timeline? (I hope you know that wink wink implies sex.)
On a completely irrelevant side note: We turn Twenty Middle this year. One of the DWs has to at least get engaged in 010 if not married. This is the age that women start to freak out about being single, especially our friends (who have been freaking out about needing a plus one since their first communion). I need your thoughts on this.
Peace, Love and Liberals,
B to the i to the a-n-c-a.
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